update - its time . how was the lunch? could you digest - the food cos the pain i know you will digest .

aye na aamar kache kichu diner jonno . its been ages since the 3 of us stayed together . watz more this time i promise to do all the cooking caring cleaning . please . at least chol dui jonne ekta vacation ni kau k na boley . i think we cud both use it .

arnab is planning a solo holiday , rohak will probably go to cal for durga pujo hols (i am sure pple will emotionally start cajoling me from next week) that leaves me to decide wat i want to do - i really dont want to go to cal for pujo , it s way too crowded for my age . and way too many formalities come up . rather thinking of going over for couple of days during jagadhatri pujo , ma could use my help i know . (she z really down these days) hate to see her sad , kinda reminds of a big banyan drying up . (i know itz a cruel analogy , but that is the truth . last week somtime , ma was in delhi , dad called up late in the evening , a drink too many i guess , went on and on ... about elfy , u , me , reshma , (and how she shud eat right.....) was speaking of happier times . could sense the lonliness in his voice - but alsocud nt help laughing in my heart , as i remembered him telling you to shut up cos he was dealing with the situation , and his asking whoever he was my relative to just leave , while the guy (hard of hearing) thot baba wanted to hug him . by far that episode never fails to make me laugh ever , and also the three of us in three different cabs . bhabchi one day will update the stories .

you are mean . did nt i ask you to help with the songs , i need to remember . help .
by the way , how come u had nothing to say for frendship day - dukkhu holo . hum apne gaon wapas jaat hai . tohar ghar mein hamaar dil ma ghichir pichir shuru hot hai.

take care - wud be awesome if it were read out , to a crazy nomadic on a cloudy day , sitting with big black dancing eyes and sighing looking upwards waiting to fly - i hope i can touch the sky , ekta gaan chilo na tui khub gaiti . leaving you with typed words , thats all that the distance allows .

though the faith and the soul know better .
worried , or rather thotful about you . let me know if any are any good ------------

Winter's Roads
by Ron Carnell
I cannot speak for all who stem
'Long roads less traveled as their way,
Nor question choices made by them
In days long past or nights long dim
by words they spoke and did not say.

Each road is long, though short it seems,
And credence gives each road a name
Of fantasies sun-drenched in beams
Or choices turned to darkened dreams,
To where each road wends just the same.

From North to South, then back again,
I followed birds like all the rest
Escaping nature's snowy den
On roads I've seen and places been,
Forsaking roads that traveled West.

This journey grows now to its end,
As road reflections lined in chrome
Give way to roads with greater bend
And empty signs that still pretend
They point the way to home sweet home.

But all roads lead to where we go
And where we go is where we've been,
So home is just a word we know,
That space in time most apropos
For where we want to be again.

For even home, it seems to me,
Is still a choice we all must face
From day to day and endlessly,
To choose if home is going to be
Another road - or just a place.

Small Pain In My Chest
by Michael Mack
The soldier boy was sitting calmly underneath that tree.
As I approached it, I could see him beckoning to me.
The battle had been long and hard and lasted through the night
And scores of figures on the ground lay still by morning's light.

"I wonder if you'd help me, sir", he smiled as best he could.
"A sip of water on this morn would surely do me good.
We fought all day and fought all night with scarcely any rest -
A sip of water for I have a small pain in my chest."

As I looked at him, I could see the large stain on his shirt
All reddish-brown from his warm blood mixed in with Asian dirt.
"Not much", said he. "I count myself more lucky than the rest.
They're all gone while I just have a small pain in my chest."

"Must be fatigue", he weakly smiled. "I must be getting old.
I see the sun is shining bright and yet I'm feeling cold.
We climbed the hill, two hundred strong, but as we cleared the crest,
The night exploded and I felt this small pain in my chest."

"I looked around to get some aid - the only things I found
Were big, deep craters in the earth - bodies on the ground.
I kept on firing at them, sir. I tried to do my best,
But finally sat down with this small pain in my chest."

"I'm grateful, sir", he whispered, as I handed my canteen
And smiled a smile that was, I think, the brightest that I've seen.
"Seems silly that a man my size so full of vim and zest,
Could find himself defeated by a small pain in his chest."

"What would my wife be thinking of her man so strong and grown,
If she could see me sitting here, too weak to stand alone?
Could my mother have imagined, as she held me to her breast,
That I'd be sitting HERE one day with this pain in my chest?"

"Can it be getting dark so soon?" He winced up at the sun.
"It's growing dim and I thought that the day had just begun.
I think, before I travel on, I'll get a little rest ..........
And, quietly, the boy died from that small pain in his chest.

I don't recall what happened then. I think I must have cried;
I put my arms around him and I pulled him to my side
And, as I held him to me, I could feel our wounds were pressed
The large one in my heart against the small one in his chest.

what is right awareness according to the eight fold path . chek it . its time .

take care , worried .

Journey of Hearts was created for anyone who has ever experienced a life-changing loss. This website is for those who are ready to begin to the long up hill battle to regain their faith, sanity and security. By providing education, information and resources we hope to empower the grieving to work through the loss and give them the courage to succeed. To accomplish this one must sense the need to change, open their mind to change, assimilate the loss, face and work though the pain to ultimately learn to live again with the loss.

To quote writer Anne Morrow Lindbergh on courage, who lost her first born son in a kidnapping and murder that scandalized the country in the early part of this century:


It isn't for the moment you are struck
that you need courage,
but for the long up hill battle to faith,
sanity and security.



Anne Morrow Lindbergh

An obstacle frequently encountered, during this up hill climb, is wanting everything to be the same as it was before the loss. This is impossible. Life is forever changed. After a significant change, life event, or loss, that person is forever transformed. Changes that may result from the loss need to be assimilated so the grieving person can start living again in a world without their loved one or one altered by the loss or life-changing event.

The Loss, Change & Grief section contains a various grief AIDE resources to help visitors to this site understand more about these topics starting with general information, how to recognize acute responses to grief, and recognizing the different complications of grief. This section also helps visitors to assess for the risk of suicide as well as identifying the warning signs and symptoms that may require further evaluation. Finally this section includes a variety of ways of coping in general and with the “blues” along with suggestions for helping adults and children who are grieving.

Each person's experience of loss will have subtle nuances that will make it unlike any other loss, but the commonality—the grief response with the intense feelings of loss, anger, depression, loneliness, fear, frustration, desperation, these are emotions that others will have also felt, endured and survived. To quote Helen Keller:

When it seems that our sorrow is too great to be borne,
let us think of the great family
of the heavy-hearted into which our grief has given us entrance,
and inevitable,
we will feel about us,
their arms and their understanding.
Helen Keller
A primary goal in creating this website was to provide an online healing place where those who have experienced loss can find resources to help them during the long up-hill grieving process. Many of the resources have been contributed by those who have worked through the grieving process following a variety of losses—loss of spouse, children, pets, loss of fertility, loss of mental function from Alzheimer's, loss of breast through breast cancer, loss of health, loss of home from flood or fire—and shared their experiences and insights.

Recovery begins when you have healed enough from your own loss and are doing well enough to be able to share your experiences or coping techniques with others who are experiencing the early phases of the transition and grief process. This continues the healing cycle.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Loss is a common experience that each person encounters during his or her lifetime.
It does not discriminate for age, race, sex, education, economic status or nationality.
Loss is a byproduct of being alive.
Kirsti A. Dyer, MD, MS

I can wade Grief—
Whole Pools of it—
I'm used to that—
But the least push of Joy
Breaks up my feet—
And I tip—drunken—
Let no Pebble—smile—
'Twas the New Liquor—
That was all!

Power is only Pain—
Stranded, thro' Discipline,
Till Weights—will hang—
Give Balm—to Giants—
And they'll wilt, like Men—
Give Himmaleh—
They'll Carry—Him!



- Emily Dickinson

Hope is the Thing with Feathers By: Emily Dickinson


"Hope" is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land
And on the strangest sea,
Yet never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

The Hope of Lovingby Meister Eckhart



What keeps us alive, what allows us to endure?

I think it is the hope of loving,
or being loved.

In the last dark hour
Of the night,
Angels come to love us
And awaken us.

- Sri Chinmoy

Touched By An Angel

We, unaccustomed to courage
exiles from delight
live coiled in shells of loneliness
until love leaves its high holy temple
and comes into our sight
to liberate us into life.

Love arrives
and in its train come ecstasies
old memories of pleasure
ancient histories of pain.
Yet if we are bold,
love strikes away the chains of fear
from our souls.

We are weaned from our timidity
In the flush of love's light
we dare be brave
And suddenly we see
that love costs all we are
and will ever be.
Yet it is only love
which sets us free.





- Books on Maya Angelou

Alone And Drinking Under The Moon




Amongst the flowers I
am alone with my pot of wine
drinking by myself; then lifting
my cup I asked the moon
to drink with me, its reflection
and mine in the wine cup, just
the three of us; then I sigh
for the moon cannot drink,

and my shadow goes emptily along
with me never saying a word;
with no other friends here, I can
but use these two for company;
in the time of happiness, I
too must be happy with all
around me; I sit and sing
and it is as if the moon

accompanies me; then if I
dance, it is my shadow that
dances along with me; while
still not drunk, I am glad
to make the moon and my shadow
into friends, but then when
I have drunk too much, we
all part; yet these are

friends I can always count on
these who have no emotion
whatsoever; I hope that one day
we three will meet again,
deep in the Milky Way.

To meditate does not mean to fight with a problem.
To meditate means to observe.
Your smile proves it.
It proves that you are being gentle with yourself,
that the sun of awareness is shining in you,
that you have control of your situation.
You are yourself,
and you have acquired some peace.


- Thich Nhat Hahn

ok . first things first . why do they call i"going around"- cos u always end up in the same place you began .

i m at my corny best today . made yum pao bhaji for myself . also made paneer matar , and tamarind rice . will try sambhar tomorrow . gorging on a huge pack of wafers since yesterday - carried it to work today . by the way - i am not sweet meat i am what i am - er er pantua .
stick jaws kena hoy na ek satey anek din bol.
take care . this too shall pass . ma as if on cue has been asking about u - with a huge sigh said - otar o amaar moton kopaal . and i do nt think she was discussing the increasing baldness in the forhead area . ki bol.
friday - tuf . got a hi duty date . busy from 5 pm friday till 2 pm saturday . hooked booked .

The heart also knows who touched them, the heart also knows the holes made in it, the heart knows the moonlit lights will open up the dream land and the heart know it needs to keep walking...