Some times I wonder how much of what I feel for him is for myself.
A lot of disappointment for
things not being the way I want it to be, a lot of grief for not being able to hold it in my hand,
a lot of insecurity of not being worthy of the love.
It is like dark dark clouds in my head and heart that
I cannot seem to move with my hands. But something tells me that the only
 way I can overcome this by opening
my heart, by filling my heart with compassion. Will the grief remain?
Yes it will be like the grief that you cannot
tell Papa that you have a new car or for Babai to lead a fully self-sufficient life.
 But had it not been for grief I would not have been like this. Sensei keeps telling us that all that you
have been suffering takes you to a higher
ground to find value in what you do, find value in your whole life. And that is what I do, find value, that is all that you will be left with at the end of it all................